Baby Bonding: Teaching the Art of Infant Massage By Alisa Ikeda From Massage magazine, January-February 2004

Nobody knows the power of tender touch better than a mother and her newborn – and few know it as intimately as Dominique Webster of Manhattan Beach, California. Learning to communicate through touch with her baby boy provided a needed sense of connection while he was in the hospital – and lifelong memories in his absence. Webster learned infant massage in 2001 from the nurses in the neonatal intensive care unit when her son, Charlie, was critically ill. “I’m not the type of person who gets in touch with myself. I don’t get massages, and I don’t read Deepak Chopra,” Webster says. “So I thought the idea of infant massage was a little crazy. But I was desperate to find a place for me in that intensive-care environment, where pretty much everything was beyond my control, and where the things that would normally help me bond with my baby were taken away. Infant massage became the only thing I had to support my son”. What started off as very gentle touching – just warming her hands and concentrating on the tremendous love she had for her baby as she touched his body – developed, over five months, into such a rhythm that when Charlie became anxious or uncomfortable, he would immediately calm down with Webster’s touch. “I’ll never forget the day when Charlie was being moved and was just coming off the ventilator, and he was all wound up. It was amazing: After just one or two of my strokes, he looked, focused and I could almost see his breathing slow down.” Charlie didn’t live beyond those five months, but Webster was transformed by the blessing of his life and by the intense bond they shared through infant massage, so much so that in 2003 she became a certified instructor of infant massage (CIIM). “The experience taught me to live calmly, quietly and in the moment,” she says now of her too-brief time performing gentle touch with her son. “Time, presence and listening – these are gifts. Infant massage is a gift.” With hand and heart “I think people intuitively know how important it is to touch and hold their babies,” says Elaine Fogel Schneider, Ph.D., child-development specialist, certified infant massage instructor (CIMI), and founder and executive director of Community Therapies in Lancaster, California. “But there are so many mixed messaged about ‘spoiling the baby’ and so man different viewpoints on child-rearing that people often don’t know what’s best.” For babies, there’s nothing indulgent about touch. It’s as necessary to their well-being as air. According to Sharon Heller, Ph.D., in The Vital Touch, “touch is the medium through which parent and infant communicate and become attached, each tender touch strengthening the bond between them. It nurtures our infants’ psychological growth; stimulates their physical and mental growth, assures smoothness of physiological functions like breathing, heart rate, and digestion; enhances their self-concept, body awareness, and sexual identity; boosts their immune system; and even enhances the grace and stability of their movement.” “Families often think that communication starts when their child first talks,” says Schneider. But touch, she says, is a baby’s first, innate language. “In infant massage,” Schneider continues, “a parent asks permission, facilitates dialogue, and says to her baby, ‘I am here for you, I’ll comfort you, I’ll nurture you, I love you.” Infant massage instructors help parents and caregivers converse with their babies through touch. After all, as the primary adults in a child’s world, parents have the power, the privilege, and, no less, the obligation to embrace the child’s uniqueness, listen with their hearts, and make memories about touch that are healthy and comforting. In return, parents are amply rewarded with an improved ability to read their baby’s cues, boosted confidence in their parenting skills, and a joyful and blossoming parent-child bond. From practitioner to parent Jennifer Light-Krasnow, of Encinitas, California, has a background as a doula and a childbirth educator, and many years’ experience teaching infant massage. “But when my twin girls were born,” she admits, “it was a whole new ballgame.” From the very beginning, it was apparent to Light-Krasnow how differently babies respond to massage. One daughter was smaller and much more sensitive to noise stimulation and new things; the other was bigger, stronger, and a go-with-the-flow kind of baby who accepted holding and touch much sooner. Equally evident was how flexible infant massage could be, how it evolved as her babies grew. “Infant massage can be five minutes, two minutes, or even just 30 seconds,” says Light-Krasnow. “It can be massaging the legs at diaper-changing time or before immunization shots. But whatever form it takes over the months and years, infant massage helps me read each of my babies’ cues, because it’s all about communication and intent. Learning to recognize and respect when there are saying ‘yes’ to massage and when they are saying ‘no’ permeates into all other aspects of our lives.” It’s also about creating a ritual, she says. “Infant massage doesn’t have to be anything except consistent in the way you do it – with the movement of rubbing your hands together with oil, in the place that you do it in the home, or maybe in the music you play. That way, it becomes instinctual.” “When you receive massage as an adult, there are times you might talk to your massage therapist and times you just want to be quiet. You may even fall asleep,” says Schneider. “Adult massage is much more about manipulation – about releasing muscle tightness and helping change the energy flow within the body. Infant massage, on the other hand, is done with a baby, not to a baby. You are both engaged in a context of love, appreciation, and gentleness, as well as strength and protection.” Teaching, not touching The role of an infant massage instructor is to teach parents how to massage their babies. “As much as we stress that trainings are for preparing people to teach others the art of infant massage, some still have an image of massaging babies,” said Kalena Babeshoff, found and director of the Sonoma, California-based Foundation for Healthy Family Living, a non-profit educational institution that promotes communication and healthy touch among families. “And while those people can express that important intention in such places as shelters and orphanages, they usually have an ‘aha!’ moment at some point during the course where they realize they can have a more lasting and profound impact by teaching people who will remain in a child’s life than by being able to massage a baby for just a few sessions.” Vimala McClure, who founded the International Association of Infant Massage (IAIM), popularized the ancient art of infant massage in modern America with her 1978 book, Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents. Interest in both learning and teaching infant massage is growing, and the IAIM has already trained more than 15,000 CIMIs in the United States. Massage therapists tend to be deeply caring people who are expressive and understanding of the power of touch, says Babeshoff. Decades into her massage therapy career, Babeshoff had a revelation that refocused her professional path: What if compassionate touch was present from the very beginning of life? Indeed, massage is introduced while the child is in vitro. “The fetus gets a continuous massage for the entire nine months, both from the amniotic fluid and from the mother’s ‘insides’. In addition, a pregnant woman naturally massages her baby in the womb. If the baby pushes, the mother might push back, or playfully poke a bit, and this way she and the baby develop a relationship,” writes Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute at University of Miami School of Medicine, in Touch. Even the massaging action of uterine contractions during birth stimulates the infant’s respiratory system. But unless parents know about infant massage and touch communication, massage of any sort typically stops after delivery. “My intention,” says Babeshoff, “is that infant massage become commonplace – that you have a baby, you learn how to feed, diaper and bathe the baby, and, of course you learn how to communicate with touch.” Toward that end, Babeshoff has taught infant massage and touch communication internationally since 1986, and trained instructors through the IAIM from 1989 to 1999. Her instructor-training program teaches people to become certified instructors of infant massage (CIIMs) in order to cultivate respectful communication through nurturing touch and massage in families. (Both CIMI, which is trademarked by the IAIM, and CIIM programs are recognized by the National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork for continuing education.) Different strokes People choose to teach infant massage for many reasons, and they work it into their careers in various ways. “A number of massage therapists who come our way are interested in developing themselves – or are already established – in the growing field of pregnancy massage,” Babeshoff says. “It’s an exquisite opportunity to be the massager and then pass on the torch so the parents become the massagers.” For massage therapists who want to move into the role of educator, infant massage training guides them and offers a structure for making the transition. Still others are looking to balance hands-on private work with teaching in order to avoid burnout. Jose Ruben De Leon, a registered massage therapist from San Antonio, Texas, drops his voice when he recalls the moment he decided to learn infant massage. “I watched the news every night for a week, and in that short time I saw three reports of children who had been hurt: One had fallen off a two-story building and there was an investigation; another was thrown up against a wall by a young father who couldn’t stand the crying; and the third child had been left in the commode in a community restroom,” De Leon says. “I knew I needed to do something, but I didn’t know what.” That’s when De Leon ran across an advertisement for Babeshoff’s infant massage training. Now a CIIM, De Leon maintains a full-time massage practice while volunteering at a local children’s shelter, where he conducts infant massage workshops with teenaged parents. De Leon has also produced a soothing recording of “Ami Tomake,” a traditional Bengali lullaby that has been embraced by infant massage classes throughout the world. Whether or not you ever teach infant massage, says De Leon, “the training is a worthwhile personal journey. The strokes and techniques can be adapted to the adult body, so you’ll find something to take back with you, even if it’s just a new massage routine.” Becky Sander, a pediatric physical therapist and CIIM in Sherwood, Oregon, agrees. “The training will shift your work, no matter what you do,” she says. “It really speaks to respecting people for exactly where they’re at, who they are, and what they might be hoping to accomplish in their lives.” Sander holds private sessions with individuals, couples and families (older siblings included) in their homes, as well as group classes at a local recreation center; parents find her through word of mouth and through recreation center promotion. She also teaches infant massage during home visits as a pediatric physical therapist in an early intervention program. Sander appreciates the philosophy behind infant massage, which holds that parents know what’s best for their children. “Parents just want to get to know their baby, but they’re sleep deprived, their hormones are out of whack, they’re dealing with less income or whatever the specific scenario might be. Infant massage helps them focus on what really is important,” she says. “Babies are only babies for a short time, and responsive parents can dramatically impact the lifelong relationship with their child by simply listening with respect and believing that what the child has to say is important. “At the end of class, parents often say, “You made me feel nurtured,” Sander continues. “Honestly, I just set the stage: The lighting is right, the heat is comfortable, and I provide blankets, pillows and water. The support doesn’t come from me; it comes from the other moms and dads in the group. That’s what parents want and need – to get out of the house and feel connected with other people sharing a similar experience.” Carol River, a massage therapist, infant massage instructor and birth doula, specializes in pregnancy massage and bodywork for infants and young children in Portland, Oregon. River teaches individual and group classes, and word of mouth is her best source for new business. “I found that posting flyers around town wasn’t all that effective, because new parents are so in the moment that they need personal contact,” she says. Whether she’s teaching in her office, through a local health-care facility, or at a nearby athletic club, River has found that the key to infant massage is honoring the baby’s pace and prompting parents to step into “baby time.” For Norwalk, Connecticut, infant massage instructor and physical therapist Tina Botticelli, infant massage training deepened her understanding of how important adults are in children’s lives, and what a privilege it is to spend time with babies. “I am grateful every day that I do the work I do, especially in today’s troubled world,” says Botticelli. She had an infant massage class scheduled for Sept. 12, 2001, the day after the terrorist attacks on the United States, and struggled with whether she should hold the class. She went ahead, and her eyes well up with tears of gratitude as she tells how every parent showed. “I thought to myself, ‘what better tribute to all those people than to do something so loving and nurturing?’” Michelle Maniaci is a pediatric physical therapist and infant massage instructor who specialized in pediatric and family wellness in Miami, Florida. She teaches yoga and “A Touch of Love” infant massage classes for parents and children of all abilities. “As a physical therapist, you’re trained to look at just the physical, but I go into the mushy stuff,” Maniaci says, grinning, “which I think is the beauty of the human. I like to integrate the medical with the holistic. And it’s catching on like wildfire.” “If they know something is going to help their child’s development, parents want to do it,” she continues. “They wind up discovering what a beautiful relationship building activity infant massage can be. Parents also realize how important it is to nourish themselves as they become aware of how their own state impacts their child. Infant massage helps them be more centered, calm, and organized.” A shared dream You needn’t be a particular kind of person to teach infant massage. The instructors featured here are, in fact, different in background, style and personality. Some are gently soft-spoken; others are bubbly and animated. Some are patient and cautious; others are anxious and gutsy. Man or woman, parent or childless, and from one coast to the other, what they share is a common goal: to enhance family dynamics and become a catalyst for healthier and happier families. Alisa Ikeda, CIIM, is a writer and the mother of two children, ages 1 and 5, in Marin County, California. Her articles have appeared in Child, Pregnancy and ePregnancy.